My inbox has
been swamped. My blog seems to have attracted many a lunatic. Particularly
since the LinkedIn article. A number of these lunatics write to me. They write
to my Gmail account which is connected to my blog. A few write incessantly.
Continuously.
Manically.
I don't really
mind for it is nice to be noticed. Even if these people are mad. As mad as cut
snakes. One such writer is named Doris. She tells me that reads all my posts
and she writes to me after each one. Without fail. Some of these emails are
only a couple of sentences whilst others run into multiple pages.
Doris is an
Evangelist. She is a full-on bible bashing Christian. Doris lives in New York
with her mother and she apparently wants to save me. So does her mother. Her
ramblings often include quotes from the Bible. A constant theme in Doris'
correspondence is that I swear too much - which I probably do.
I am Australian.
We all swear a
lot.
Doris thinks
this is wicked and she says it is sinful.
Hi Doris. How
the fuck are you today?
I have only
replied to Doris once before and this was a few weeks back. I don't often
engage with my readers. I probably should. My reply was in response to her
comment that she hated my writing. She told me that it's wickedness made her
weep. She uses the words 'wicked' and 'sinful' a lot. Doris informs me that despite
my wickedness, Jesus still loves me. I politely suggested to her that if what I
was writing upset her she then should simply stop reading it.
The solution
was simple.
I also
reminded Doris that one of the great liberties instilled in the mighty
constitution of the United States of America was freedom of speech. I didn't
mention any of the other great American constitutional liberties that I so
admire - such as the right to bear arms and to slaughter one's neighbors with
semi-automatic weapons. Nor did I mention the right to invade and occupy
foreign countries. Particularly those nations that by pure chance happen to be
rich in petroleum resources.
This is
sarcasm Doris. I don't admire these rights at all.
I think they
are wicked.
I think they
are sinful.
Doris tells me
that she prays for me every day - with her mother. She tells me that together
they pray for my salvation. I have this vision of them on their knees.
Keening.
Wailing.
Possibly
before a statue of the Virgin Mary. Despite the futility of their prayers I
find this strangely comforting. But heed this Doris - I am beyond salvation and my redemption is useless.
Sorry Doris.
My wickedness
in ingrained.
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