23 February 2013

The Russians

It is another Saturday night in Singapore and I am steeling myself. Unusually I have a wealth of social options available to me tonight. The Russians are gathering as are the Irish and the English. I have been invited to all three soirees and I have opted for the Russians - who I will then converge with the Irish. I have disregarded the English. Whilst I have quite a few English mates here in Singapore, I work with them day in and day out and heir pomposity and whining and moaning annoys me. I barely tolerate the majority of them. 

Many are Fuckers.

I have been friends with the Russians for quite some time now and I met this particular group through my friend Natalia who has since gone home to Saint Petersburg. 

I miss her a lot.

Saint Petersburg was once known as Petrogard before the Soviet Communist regime renamed it Leningrad - in 1924. The city reverted to Saint Petersburg in 1991. This was post Perestroika. It is by far the most beautiful city in all of Russia. The architecture is stunning. The Hermitage puts the Louvre to shame. It is an uber museum and art gallery and is the home to some of the greatest works of art ever created. It is enormous and you can get lost in there for weeks. It would be wonderful to get lost in there.

It would be heaven on a stick.

Most of this Russian group of friends that I have are females - they are chicks. They are artists and gallery owners and fashion models. The girls are much younger than me and they are all very tall and beautiful and glamorous. They are the opposite of me really. They are hot.

I am not. 

For some weird reason they have adopted me and I have been accepted into their fold. I am their pet Australian old guy and I don't really know why. The Russians invite me to a lot of functions around town and I go to quite a few - well some anyway. I haven't been out with them for a while though so it will be nice to catch up.

I noticed a while back that all these girls first names end in the letter 'a'. Their surnames are mostly unpronounceable. There is Natalia, Alisa, Olga, Tatiana, Alina, Ekatrina and Anastasia and there are a few others as well but I can't remember their names. When I made this observation Tatiana informed me that every girl's first name in Russia ends with the letter 'a'. There is one exception apparently but I can't recall offhand what this is either. 

My memory is fading as I age.

Some of these girls change the last letter of their first name to 'e' when they come to Singapore. So Alina is now Aline, Alisa is now Alise, and Ekatrina is Kate. When I asked them why they do this they just shrug their shoulders and pout. The Russians do this a lot - shrug and pout.

I quite like it.

When I hang out with these Russians I find myself shrugging and pouting as well and I also find myself saying 'vot' instead of what and 'nyet' instead of 'no'. I wave my hands around too - it is involuntary and I just slip into it. They call me 'darlink' and Pyotr. This is my name in Russian.


Not 'darlink'.

The Russians are very dramatic and moody individuals and they are loud and brash and crazy. The Russians are very emotional and arrogant and they wear their hearts on their sleeves. There seems to be a lot of drama and gossip and scandal in the life of these Russians and I like it very much when they start swearing at each other in their native tongue.

They swear at other people as well.

When we are out they always start off drinking champagne and switch very quickly to vodka. They drink it neat and they guzzle it down. They rarely seem to eat and they all smoke too. When we go out there are generally a lot of European guys hovering around. These guys often try and start up conversations with the Russian girls. They try and chat them up. It is hysterical to see how the Russians flick them off. They are brutal. I sit back and observe it all unfold. I watch giant and handsome young men slink off with their tails between their legs as these Russians mercilessly cast them off.

They say 'poshol nahuj' which is Russian for 'fuck off'.


I mentioned to the Russians that there is also a gathering of the Irish this evening and that these Irish are mostly blokes. I told the Russians that the Irish are gobby and loud and full of bullshit but I like them a lot. I told them this because it is true. The Irish are good friends of mine and like the Russians they are hard core drinking machines.

I think that the convergence will be interesting and it will most definitely be highly entertaining. The Irish are very keen to hook up. The Russians are quite nonchalant but they have agreed to converge.

Both groups have long since given up trying to get me to drink at their frenetic pace or indeed to get me to drink at all. Despite me being an Australian they accept that I am not much of a drinker. I could not possibly keep up with them anyway, even if I wanted to.

Which I don't.

I will likely issue some sort of drinking challenge between these two groups at some point of the evening. I will suggest to the Russians that the Irish are the superior drinkers whilst telling the Irish that the Russians girls can drink them under the table. I will wind them both up and then I will watch the carnage unfold.

It will be very funny. 

When I have witnessed enough mayhem to amuse me I will quietly slink off home to my bed. I don't stay up very late anymore so this will likely be before midnight. I will otherwise probably turn into a pumpkin. 

I have a busy day tomorrow and I have no desire to turn into a pumpkin. 

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