I discovered my hairy Scandinavian neighbour Jens unconscious by the pool this morning. There was an empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s bourbon clutched to his chest. He had drunk himself into a stupor. After I checked that he was still breathing I did my usual 40 laps and when I finished he was sitting up on the pool chair and he was rubbing his eyes.
“How are you doing Jens?” I enquired as I was toweling myself down
“It looks like you had yourself a big one”
Jens is pronounced ‘Yens”. I had discovered some weeks ago that my hairy neighbour is from Denmark. His home city is Copenhagen. I have also established that he is a very big drinker and he is as mad as a cut snake.
Jens made some grunting and hacking sorts of noises then asked,
“You hev a ceegarit skeepy?”
Jens refers to me as “skeepy’ and quite often “modderfokker’ too. He is very often both drunk and angry. The reference to “Skeepy” is the big Dane’s reference to Skippy the Bush kangaroo. Skippy was quite a famous TV character back in the 1960’s. She was a brave and smart kangaroo who did heroic things.
I have informed Jens on a number of occasions that we Danes and Australians had strong bonds through the Royal marriage. The Prince of Denmark married a commoner from Australia - from Tasmania of all places. Mention of this seems to enrage my neighbour Jens. I do not know why.
“I have no cigarettes on me Jens. I don’t normally bring any with me for my morning swim?”
“Wheeskee?” he asked hopefully
“Same” I replied
“I don’t normally bring whiskey with me for my morning swim”
Jens nodded a fairly understanding acknowledgement as he stood and stretched and gave his crotch a good scratching.