A while back I sat in the
little park that is near my home and as is my occasional want - I just watched
the world go by. Peace and tranquility can be hard to find on the Island and I
grab such quiet and equable moments when I can.
I snatch them and I store them away.
Some little children were
playing on the lawn of the park. There were a bunch of little boys and girls –
both Europeans and Singaporeans – having a whale of a time. The family Helpers
were closely watching the children and not a parent was in sight. The kids had
not a care in the world and they were dancing and laughing and just having
fun.
I sat back and took it all
in.
It was wonderful.
A couple of the little girls
had plastic toy telephones and they were having pretend conversations with each
another and their invisible friends. One of the little girls wandered over to where I
was sitting with her toy phone in her hand. She pressed a button and it rang.
It trilled and it buzzed.
To my surprise and great delight
she handed me the phone and she ever so politely informed me that the call was
for me.
No matter how big and bad you
might be - when a three-year-old hands you a toy phone - you answer it.
So I chatted for a while to my
invisible friend in an animated and elaborate fashion. The little girl was
giggling at my pretend conversation and I had a bit of a chuckle myself. When I
handed the phone back after a while and the little girl ran back to her
playmates it dawned upon me that I had long ago lost my innocence.
A sudden wave of sadness
washed over me.
The innocence of children is
a wondrous and a magical thing.
It is precious.
How I miss believing and
trusting that no one will ever hurt me or lie to me. I miss too thinking how
one day I would heroically rescue that oh so beautiful princess who is locked
away in a tall tower and we would run away together and live happily ever
after.
I miss not knowing the pain
of loss and heartbreak and hate and despair.
I miss dreaming that I could
do anything that I set my mind to and I miss living in a time and place where the
impossible seemed possible.
I miss all of those goodbyes
that only meant until tomorrow - not forever.
Growing up is not anything
like what I imagined it would be.
I can't remember the exact
moment that my innocence was lost but I do know that I never had the chance to
say goodbye to it.
If anyone happens to find it
could you please send it back?
Its absence aches
and throbs and it leaves a void.
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